ELLEN
BERG
Diary #11
Is
It Any Wonder
They Are Acting Out?
Upon my return to school today from NMSA and a daylong virus, I was greeted with hugs and enthusiastic cries of, "You're finally back!" It was a definite morale booster and a real shock overall considering the behavior challenges I have had and continue to have this school year. My students seemed overwhelmingly relieved that I was back and things were going to return to normal.
How can that be? I am faced with daily challenges to my instructions and requests for compliance and respect, yet my kids greet me with hugs and relief. What is going on here? Are they tricking me? Have aliens abducted me? Them?I thought a lot about this all day long, and the only explanation I can come up with is that my kids may be facing a long road of breaking bad behavioral habits, and though I am struggling, they appreciate and recognize my effort and high expectations for them. Maybe they cannot suddenly drop all their old behavior patterns.
Many of my students have personal challenges
The more I get to know my students this year, the more I recognize that although they are academically ahead, they are facing many personal challenges that are affecting their behavior. I have a girl whose mother takes her side on everything, regardless of proof or witnesses.
The girl's own grandmother has taken over her granddaughter's discipline because, as she says, "I know my daughter." Still, the mother came up with the girl's aunt and threatened her homeroom because her daughter swore everyone was picking on her. Never mind Allie instigates 95% of every conflict; mom is in denial and proclaims her innocence.
Allie and I have talked, and she has admitted she is lying to her mother. I am working to develop a one-on-one relationship with her to help her learn to take responsibility for her actions. It has helped a little, but to expect her to suddenly change those behaviors is unrealistic. I am trying to keep that in mind as Allie mutters insults to passing students or kicks out her legs to trip them.
Difficult lives
I have another
student whose mother is an alcoholic. She bullies his much older father
when he tries to reprimand the boy and is emotionally abusive. The boy
walks on his toes, but dad does not see that as a problem. Harry is constantly
"playing" with others, and does not understand why they get upset.
Derek instigates fights every week or so. He is living in a group foster
home while his older sibling, also at Turner, still lives at home with
their mother. He is witty, charming, and has an intelligent sense of humor.
He was identified as a learning disabled student while in a local suburban
district specifically in the areas of reading and writing. However, I
see no problems or deficits in those areas.
I suspect he was targeted because he is an African-American male with behavior problems. I wonder why no one has investigated why he acts out, why he picks random fights. I only know that no one who gazes up at me with rapt fascination during read alouds is lost. He wants to learn.
I could tell many more stories like the ones above. My kids are dealing with drug and alcohol abuse in the home, parents who accept and support their avoidance of responsibility, and physical and emotional abuse. Is it any wonder they are acting out? They are acting out what has been modeled for them, and these behaviors are now ingrained in their autopilots. I cannot undo in a few months what has been created over many years.
Small victories in a long war
I am seeing some small improvements, but it is still a battle every day. I try to forge new relationships with parents and students, to start anew every morning. I am trying new strategies and dumping ineffective ones. I am thinking I may even need to start small, looking to focus on one behavior a week like raising hands to talk instead of blurting out or keeping cutting comments to themselves.
What I will not do is give up. I will work and work and pull my hair out until I am successful so my kids can be successful as well. They will see an adult in their lives who cares enough to hold them to high expectations.
Responsibility has to be a teaching goal
At one of the presentations I attended at NMSA, the presenter noted that there is nothing in terms of content that we are teaching the kids now that they will not have again later in high school. I think the statement is a little extreme, but it does have its point. I do not remember a whole lot about my academics in middle school, but I do remember a lot about my feelings and social interactions.
Perhaps a larger or at least equal goal of ours at the middle level is teaching kids responsibility, consequences of choices, treating others with respect, and other affective skills and concepts. Without the affective domain in order, I hold little real hope for my students' success as adults.
Academic content is wonderful and standards are necessary, but equally important is the development of responsible, caring citizens.
