JOANNE
PAYLING
Diary #12
Teacher-of-the-Year
Now a Five-Year Plan
It looks like Teacher of the Year may have to wait. My principal observed me last week and we met on Monday to discuss his observations. Naturally, I fantasized about receiving an impressive review with lots of pats on the back and a "Good start, Joanne. You are one of the finest first year teachers I've ever seen." However, by definition, one's fantasies are not reality-based. While he applauded my intelligence and that I allowed the class to get to know me better by reading them one of my poems, he also rightly commented on several areas ripe for improvement. My classroom management skills are lacking, as is my sensitivity towards my students.
Sometimes I wonder if I am too old for this new career. I like and enjoy my students immensely. I even believe that many of them like me, too. At least I assume that is what "Ms. Payling Rules" means when I find it written on my board. Yet I know I don't handle classroom antics well. I am learning I am not as sensitive as I thought I was. My patience level is proportionate to the number of outbursts and off-task behaviors I have to correct each class session.
Then there are the different personalities of each class and the differences from day to day in their responsiveness. This requires constant adjusting and evaluating, always with the over-riding knowledge that I must cover the material in the lesson plan (and thus the content standards) and keep all my classes at least close to the "same page." I have the intelligence and maturity to cope with these areas, but do I have the flexibility and patience?
The thing that makes me doubt myself most, I believe, is that I keep asking myself why some of these kids can't just sit down, pay attention, do the work, and learn. One day they are fine, the next they are all over the room. But then, that is the nature of the middle-school student, isn't it?
I love their grinning faces, their shy smiles, their big hellos and their tentative queries. There is a personality for every mood and a mood for every day. If I can recognize my own split personality (see Entry 10) surely the least I can do is understand and accept that my students have the same right to Jekyll and Hyde personas.
Note to self: Work on the Life Skills of Flexibility and Patience. Re-adjust Teacher of the Year goal to a five-year plan.
