JOANNE
PAYLING
Diary #31
Do
I Really Want to Do This?
I think the most common misconception the public has of teachers is how much time we have off. After all, there are the big winter and spring breaks, the myriad three-day weekends, and, lest we forget, those long, long summer breaks.
Well, I am here to tell the world that a conscientious teacher is always working. She is working morning, noon, and night. She is working over every holiday. She is working on vacation. In fact, many teachers take vacations to places that will further their knowledge base for the classroom.
A vacation to Cozumel includes a trip to Mayan ruins and the gathering of photographs, information, and realia for a unit on ancient cultures. We work at night because we know our students are anxious to hear how they did on that essay. We work on weekends preparing lessons for the upcoming week. We do all this because we love what we are doing, and we are committed to doing our best.
Yet this first-year teacher wonders why she ever thought she could handle the workload. In spite of all those holidays, I am exhausted. I took today off as a sick day because I can't think straight. I am literally on the edge of tears because I am so tired, yet I still have an overload of work to do.
The work pile just seems to get bigger
In addition to getting a few extra zzz's, I need to attack more of the 100+ Tall Tales that still need assessing, I need to write an addendum to my latest less-than-stellar evaluation, and I need to prepare an exam for our latest literature unit.
Add to those tasks that I need to update my resume, write cover letters, and apply for teaching jobs for next year since my job at PMS has been cut, and the stress level is pretty high. At least I finished CLAD over spring break (50 hours of intensive graduate coursework). That was a huge accomplishment on top of my first year teaching. Oh, and I forgot, my divorce is final, I bought a new house with a move-in date of May 4, and so far I haven't had the time to organize anything related to that.I also have commitments to the MiddleWeb listserv (my lifeline through this whole year) and my diary entries to write. The highlights of this first year are the relationships I have made with my students, those occasional lightbulb moments (mine and theirs), the peer and mentor support provided by MiddleWeb participants, and the insights I have gained by reflecting on my practice by writing a weekly diary entry.
Yes, I need to improve
As my principal points out, I need improvement in several areas. My teaching style has been primarily verbal this year. I have fallen into the trap of lecturing and teaching the way I was taught. I need to incorporate much more visual and project-based learning into my classroom.
The Fred Jones videos have helped me see how to approach both classroom management issues and lesson delivery. The Say, See, Do approach appeals to me greatly. The teacher explains a concept, she demonstrates it, and then the students "do" it. This is very straightforward in teaching math, but it is taking me time to figure out ways to scaffold the steps needed for learning in language arts.
This learning of various teaching methods and how to bring them to life in my classroom is another area that exhausts me. I want to improve my teaching, and I see thousands (ok, that's an exaggeration, but it feels that way) of approaches I need to learn more about.
I just bought the Understanding by Design text and workbook for perusal this summer. From discussions on Middleweb, this sounds like a system that makes ultimate sense. We first have to ask ourselves what is the big picture of what we are doing? What enduring understanding do we want our students to come away with from the lesson/unit? How do I incorporate that theory with the Fred Jones model? Where does the Paideia approach fit into all this?
I want to go to conferences and workshops that address these methods. Where is the time and money to do this? Certainly my district won't pay for me to attend anything this summer since my position has been removed due to shrinking enrollments. Do I even have the time to attend any conferences considering I have to job hunt, properly move into my new home, and prepare for a new curriculum (assuming I find a job I want).
Is teaching worth all this? Some things will pass, such as settling into a new place...both new home and new job. But the grading load will remain extreme. So will the constant interest in improving my teaching, as verified by the superior educators on Middleweb who are constantly exploring ways to improve their practice.How do we do it all?
Throughout all of this I have barely mentioned the 190 students who are the reason for all this reflection. I still allow the minority to get under my skin when they blurt out, "This is boring!" during a poetry reading. Is it worth it, I ask myself?
I am also a reference librarian. With rare exception, the life of a public reference librarian is rewarding due to its contact with the public and their gratitude for help in finding the information they are seeking. I never received a less-than-exemplary evaluation in my 20+ years as a librarian. Should I return to being a librarian? There is constant learning and updating of knowledge in that field, also, but at least one doesn't have a rude student dozing off as a Shakespeare sonnet is read.
So, on this day that I hope to rest and play catch-up, my mind won't stop whirring in what feels like overtime-without-pay. I'd better get to those Tall Tales, eh? Wait, I better find a moving company for May. No, maybe I better work on that addendum to my evaluation that states "Joanne elected to not participate in BTSA [see diary entry # 6] this year, even though it was highly recommended by her principal." Sigh. The beat goes on.
