CAROLYN
BEITZEL
Diary #10
Welcome
to My Pity Party
The first marking period is over, finally. I am happy to report only 13 failing grades. I am exhausted. I still feel like a first-year teacher. How does a new teacher do it? How do any of us do it?
Last week I was at school until 6 p.m. every night either grading papers or inputting grades into the computer. Then coming home to plan lessons. Hello, did I say I am married with an 11-year old?
Having also moved into social studies this year from science, I am still creating lesson plans from scratch. Since I am not teaching chronologically, I am trying to meld knowledge from one unit into another. I spend so much time at my computer that my behind is welded to my chair and my neck is sinking into my shoulders! Anyone out there with eighth grade American history lessons they want to share? Send them my way please! I have almost exhausted my yearly copy budget of 36,000. I have only planned through my third unit – out of six. What will I do for the rest of the year? Will I be forced to (yuck) read strictly from the text and answer those section review questions? I have not been evaluated for the first marking period yet (even though it is officially over) so I have that hanging over my head as well. Wondering when she will pop in – will I have my plan book updated, will the objectives be on the board, will the lesson go smoothly???Bulletin boards, field trips, spouse time...
I haven't changed my bulletin boards since September. That is something else in our evaluations. Do we have standards posted? Any student work up needs a correlation to standards, a commentary and a rubric.
Let's add into the mix the field trip I am in the middle of planning and just found out the Sports Assembly is on the same day. Now I have students wanting to bail. And the students asking can I please turn in the money the day before the trip (even though it was due weeks ago)? The trip is mostly outside (Brandywine Battlefield in Chadds Ford, PA) and the weather says forty-nine degrees and raining. Great. More kids complaining. It has been in the 70s this whole weekend!
I have colored my hair twice in two months as the gray just keeps getting worse. My husband says I don't spend any time with him. My daughter wonders if she has a mom. This is the fourth year of this grueling schedule (full time undergrad senior year, full time grad school, full time first year teacher, now second). I am tired and am starting to feel old!
I guess this is a pity party and you are all invited.Something uplifting
So with the timeliness of fate, a recent MiddleWeb listserv discussion on regaining the passion of teaching has been uplifting. I haven't lost my desire to be an effective teacher, but my engine is running out of fuel. Fellow listserv members like Rick Wormeli have a knack for saying the right words at the right times. He has boosted my spirit secondhand several times this year. I even went for a walk today: just me and the dog. A simple pleasure to look around at the world changing.
On a really great ending note, I finally re-connected with a school pal of mine. She is also a second-year teacher and seems to be as busy as me. I feel such a connection with her and have missed her in my life lately. But it was great to chat with her and to know that she is still out there in cyberworld: enduring, enjoying and learning the Larkin dance one step at a time. I feel better already.
