CAROLYN
BEITZEL
Diary #15
Reflections:
My Own Pajama Party
What Is Happening With My Low Level Learners? They are my favorite class. They stimulate me and push me to be a more effective teacher. Some days I meet their expectations and sometimes I fail miserably. Today fell into the latter category. I was mad at them. I should have been mad at myself. I asked a question: "Why weren't the lands of the Mexican Cession included in the Missouri Compromise?" We talked about this last week. We've completed a map study; all the pieces of learning were there. But their minds were blank and closed. I drew another map on the transparency to illustrate the line of compromise and how it did not extend to the Pacific nor did it include lands out of the Louisiana Purchase. Still, no response. Well, not exactly true. They were giving me many answers, but not the one I was looking for. I explained the answer: since the lands won from Mexico were not included in the Louisiana Purchase, they could not be subjected to the rule of the compromise. I then asked the original question again. And again I did not get the answer, even though I had just said it. I was starting to boil. What I did was give up. They were given an assignment to copy down some notes, which I had wanted to explain, but by now I couldn't see the point. This is definitely the class upon which I gauge my own learning. They are my benchmark. If I can succeed with them, I can be good with anyone. When I fail with them, it seems worse than anything imaginable. When one student came up to me later in the day and asked, "Are you still mad at me?" I really felt like a failure. So tomorrow I will go in and let them know that it is a new day and we'll all try it again. Am I Meeting My Goals? I know that my students are getting more comfortable finding their own voice. When they see that I make mistakes (which I do often), and that I own up to those mistakes and learn from them, then they feel they can do the same without being ridiculed. This builds an environment in which their individual voices, thoughts and ideas are valued. Developing a positive discipline approach to classroom management has been hard for me. I get frustrated easily and instead of using techniques I have learned, I raise my voice. I can, however, see a change in myself as a teacher from last year to this. So that means, as I gain more experience, and as more opportunities come my way to practice strategies, I can only get better in this area. I know it will happen. It has just been too slow in coming. I can only blame myself on this one. I need to try harder, maybe count to ten before I open my mouth. I still have not been able to get more parents involved in the classroom. I post opportunities to come in and tutor, mentor or assist, but so far no one has taken up my offer. I cannot even get chaperones for class trips. I will keep trying, though. I really believe it's a key element in bridging the gap between what goes on in school and at home. So as the New Year unfolds I look forward to all the new experiences I am going to have, the relationships I will forge and strengthen with my students, and the growing support from my administrators. William Ayers has said, "Education is linked to freedom, to the ability to see and also to alter, to understand and also reinvent, to know and also to change the world as we find it." As I move into the middle and last part of this teaching year, I hear the music, my dance card is full and I am ready.
