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CAROLYN BEITZEL
Diary #25

How Can We Have
More Good Weeks Like This?

This has been a good week. Do you ever get that? When everything runs smoothly? Kids are understanding and asking awesome critical questions? The textbooks are put back where they belong and trash miraculously gets into the trash container? Hardly anyone misbehaves?

Oh. Wait. Now that I think of it, a "certain" few students have been absent this week. Wow. I never realized how much a role they each play in classroom dynamics.

One is a class clown. Doesn't do any work, except make sure that he is the center of attention. Another one is a good worker, but can't seem to stay quiet or not bother someone else for any length of time. The last one enjoys calling out at any moment. And the favorite line seems to be "Can I go to the bafroom?" Of course, there are class rules about that sort of thing (finger signal with 3 fingers held up), but no. Let's announce it to the entire room that you have to go.

How can I preserve this wonderful feeling?

Now that they haven't been here lately and the classes have run smoother I need to come up with some strategies to keep them reined in. I guess making them invisible is out of the question?

"The observer, by his unconscious choice, determines what he will see," says Rudolf Dreikurs. So starts the chapter entitled "Why People Do What They Do" in Postive Discipline in the Classroom by Nelson, Lott and Glenn. The authors go on to say that kids are always making subconscious decisions based on what they see and feel. These decisions can be about them or about others. Adopting a "survival behavior" is done when they don't feel like they belong.

How have I sent the signals to these students that they don't "belong"?

I know that I have been heavy-handed with them in the past. Frankly, they annoy me and they annoy others. So I have been angry, challenging or even threatening with them. I have said in the past "I will make you do what I want or I can write a referral." I have also felt hurt, disappointed, and disbelieving, thinking to myself "How could you do this to me?"

They in turn escalate their behavior into outright defiance or retaliate with another behavior. I am sure they are thinking, "You can't make me."

What could I do instead? I need to try to redirect their power into something positive, offer them limited choice, don't fight, don't escalate, withdraw, be firm and kind, calm down, set reasonable limits, acknowledge hurt feelings, avoid feeling hurt in the first place, avoid punishment, use reflecting listening (How To Talk So Kids Can Learn) and always make amends.

Every day affords me new opportunities to hone my skills. Using reflection has greatly enhanced my ability to see beyond the here and now and focus on the why and then find the solutions.

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